61. Learning to Love Your Lows

Hi everyone. I’m Saralyn Hodgkin, and this is the podcast to practice your leadership.

We go through seasons in our life. Sometimes I go through seasons in my day, I’ll be honest. But generally when I personally use the term, you know, going through a season, it’s this moment in my life where I’m trying to remind myself that it’s not going to last forever for all the greatness in it and all the challenge in it.

And sometimes this framing can be helpful for times of transition that I find myself in or this framing of seasons can also be helpful on a piece of work I’m working on, a project I’m involved in. A team dynamic that’s going on and whatever it’s applied to the image that comes to my mind is an S curve and an elongated, if you, if you take a pen or marker of choice, whatever that might be, but you draw the letter S, right?

Just draw the letter S like a normal letter S. Okay, well now take that S. Blow it up by five or 10 times and make it elongated. Suddenly you see like a toboggan hill.

Some people might see a toboggan hill, for me, I see this elongated S and the two ends extend and the, the curve isn’t as, as steep. So it’s this elongated S curve. And that’s the image that comes to mind because that’s the framework or the visual language that I use when I say, yeah, I’m going through a season and in that season, I’m in a time of learning and growth and that learning and growth might be within, uh, my own, like my life journey.

Yeah. It could be something as substantial as that. It could be in my leadership of how I show up. It could be. Um, again, um, a season of a piece of work, uh, a place of learning and growth of a team of a network trying to form whatever that might be. It’s the season of, of developing a skill even, right? Or at this point in my career over the next three years, I’m in the season, whatever the timeline is, and whatever the piece of application, right, that you’re tying it to, it’s, I’m in the season of learning and growth for myself demonstrated by this, this elongated S curve.

And if you on the left at the bottom, if, if I can use that descriptor, I usually write like starting line or something like that, right? And at the top, right, let’s not put judgments around bottom and top, please, but you know, in this voice, right, um, without having a whiteboard in front of me, uh, great descriptor at the top of the S, uh, I write the word mastery and from the starting line.

All the way up to mastery. There’s this building of confidence and competence and commitment to that skill, that project, that season of my leadership, development, whatever that career, uh, growth moment, there’s this starting line that I’m at this place of mastery that I meander my way to get to that the elongated S doesn’t hold up when it’s drawn so straight and smooth, right?

You have to imagine it goes in this wiggly, bigly line going forward and backward and up and down and dotted sometimes. But the point is I don’t have to have a hundred percent confidence and competence and even commitment to this season, to this time of learning and growth. I just have to recognize that I’m in a season.

And I’m on a curve. And in jumping onto that curve, it means that I’m jumping off the mastery of something else that I need to acknowledge, that I have reached some level that has triggered me, nudged me, welcomed me, or pushed me over the edge to start this next curve of learning and growth. That when I come to that place of mastery, whatever that looks like over whatever timeline, which I might not even be able to describe at the beginning, right, of the season, that it too will likely nudge me to jump to the next S curve at some point.

Some people use S curves in, in lots of different contexts. Here when I say I’m in a season, that S curve really helps me see the growth, the learning, the intentionality, the beginner’s mind that’s required, that externalized stories or versions of my mastery, my competence, my confidence, not needed. You know, there’s some feedback loops that I’ll totally tap into, but this is my journey.

Um, in that I need to turn up that inner advocate voice that either lives, um, in my heart in my gut in my solar plexus, wherever that is for you. Right. Lately I’ve been feeling it in my in my heart, solar plexus area, which is new for me, um, I’m trying to get out of my head more folks, into the body, but turning up that inner advocate in the language that I use and the stories that I tell myself and the places of my body that I tap into and turn down the volume, quiet that judge that lives a lot in my brain, I’ll be honest, that inner critic that can get really noisy in my mind.

And say, yeah, I’m in a season and I’m going to turn up that inner advocate. I’m going to take some feedback from other people, other, you know, situations outside me and so on, of course, but that’s not going to lessen my story of my journey. And part of this, this journey, this path, this season, it requires me to do things like sit with discomfort and some of that discomfort comes in the form of shame, fear, that the prompt that I try and have and I’ll offer to you is, you know, what role is shame playing for me here?

And we can give it any name you want, right? You can even go so far as use terms of imposter syndrome, whatever it might be, but fear, shame, all those real juicy words that feed that judge and that inner critic for me anyway. What role are they playing here? How are they trying to protect me? How can I appreciate them?

See how they’re trying to protect me and then turn up that inner advocate. Now what do I see? Now what are the stories I tell myself? Now how am I navigating the journey up that S curve? The other prompt I try to bring into my world is what’s keeping me trapped.

Even just saying it makes me go, and it makes me do that because I’m like, yeah, that’s a big question sometimes. What’s keeping me trapped? What are the patterns? What are the stories? Mindset? Influences, behaviors, what’s keeping me trapped? What’s keeping me trapped from a system’s perspective? What systems creep into my world that sometimes I don’t even notice that are keeping me trapped?

Crafting and weaving stories that are feeding shame, fear, judge, whatever it is. That’s keeping me trapped, but I don’t stay in those places. That’s, that’s to be able to reveal some of those blind spots, right folks? Trying to find some of those biases, conscious or otherwise, or unconscious blind spots that sometimes can only get revealed when you’re sitting in discomfort or recognizing you’re in a season or getting smacked in the face with a cold wet salmon.

I don’t know. I was trying to say, Hey. You got to shine some light over here.

Part of it is to love my lows, to love my beginnings, which can be sometimes humbling, sometimes angering. Sometimes I have really, um, harsh, I’m going to use the word harsh expectations of myself, sometimes of others too. Sometimes I just go, I snuggle right into that low. Grappling with the emotions that are there.

Sometimes I’ll bring out Abby VanMuijen’s emotion wheel and just say, What am I sitting with now? And then I bring back the word season. And I remember, yeah, it’s a season. Gotta love those lows. Appreciate them. While also being angry with them. Yeah, okay, sure. Recognize that sometimes those moments of discomfort, you’re not just gonna slap some duct tape on it, take some Advil, get another dopamine hit from a doom scroll that you gotta turn towards and sit with, look at, have a screaming match with discomfort, however it shows up, and, you know, prepare for those hard moments.

And then realize, wait a minute, I know who I am. I know what I am capable of because I’ve gone through all my hard things and I’m standing here. And I’m in a season on this S curve of learning and growth, and I don’t get to control how fast it goes or if it’s going to turn left or right. My accountability is to continue with the learning and growth.

That’s my job. And be aware that I move through stress cycles through that, that show up in all sorts of forms. And that the highs come. And the high is not just reaching that place of mastery at the top of that S curve. The highs come throughout the journey. And, um, take a moment to love them. Because when they’re there, I know that I need to dig deep into that gratitude because the low will come back.

And that is the flow of it. And I can acknowledge my privilege in being able to find space that allows me to tap into joy. That allows me to, to let go of what I can’t control to be able to even hold process like this. Sometimes, actually, that allows me to zoom out for perspective or actually just not be so serious where I can turn around and say, gosh, what needs just letting go here?

Or even more challenging for me sometimes is, what am I unlearning here?

Those highs and those lows are required in the journey, I find. And so part of this work for me, the work of life, for goodness sakes, the work of navigating my way into what is my agency? What is my responsibility with this one life? How is it that I want to take the intentions of how I show up in the world and where I show up and I want to lead with the behaviors that, that I pride myself on and that I know that it’s not perfect, but shame and fear are not going to get in my way of trying to learn and grow in a way that’s directionally right.

And so, using the word season helps me out, drawing out S curves helps me out, because the building of confidence, competence and commitment takes time and grit, experience takes chocolate, for me anyway, takes walks, it takes the enjoyment of me snuggling with my dog, reflecting in those I love. There are pieces here where the S curve of learning and growth can really help me find my way and provide myself context when I’m trying to figure myself out and it helps me gain perspective of, yeah, I don’t have to be a master in something right away.

That there are ingredients here that will come, and that being in process, that’s part of the work. That’s part of the work. So the invitation to you folks is… Getting curious about your seasons, how you hold them, and what that looks like for you in not only what you want to model, but what that looks like for you, and some of the self compassion that is required at this time.

Some of that love and grit, and all the ingredients to be able to say, yeah, life’s a bitch, and it’s a journey, and I’m on it. And I’m just trying to make some conscious choices and I’m going to let go of control while also being right there in the work. Self compassion. That’s what I’ll end on. Have it for yourself so you can have it for others, folks.

Stay in the practice.

Thanks all. I’m Saralyn you can find me at holonleadership.org. I walk alongside you as you practice your leadership.