67. Invest in Relationships

Hi everyone. I’m Saralyn Hodgkin, and this is the podcast to practice your leadership.

Hi, folks. So I was in Japan. My family and I traveled there for a month. You may or may not have heard that. And Um, I came back thinking, okay, what do I want to share? Like in my first podcast back from traveling for a month in Japan, what do I want to share? And uh, I wanted to share a story first and foremost.

And um, the story starts with, uh, a lost wallet and it’s not like, oh my goodness, I left the house, forgot my wallet or, um, I was in Japan and it flew out of my hands onto the train tracks. Though, um, that was quite a possibility or any number of those things at the lost wallets, right? Let me start at the beginning.

So, as we’re, uh, prepping for Japan and all that good stuff, a good friend of mine says, Hey, I am happy to drive you to the airport. Now this is a big ask. This is like, you’re waking up when you commit that to me, you’re waking up at four, four 30 in the morning. And, um, you’re taking significant anxiety off of me and, and you’re showing up and you hold my trust in my heart and your hand, like it’s all of that.

And she’s like, I got you, love to drive you and your family to the airport. So first off, accept invitations of help the number one. And I did that. I said, Oh, That would be so great. We could, your, your minivan would fit all our bags. I don’t have to think about an Uber. Like, you know, all the things, right? I don’t have to worry about an Uber.

Oh my goodness. And we could park your minivan in our driveway and we could load it up the night before. Like the logistics, just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh my gosh. Cause the mornings are difficult. I’ve got two teenagers to wake up and manage. And my partner and I just trying to make sure that everything’s good and close up the house.

But like all the things, right. As you’re trying, you know how the travel, right. The, just the travel. So I’m like, Oh, thank you so much. No problem. Lo and behold, travel day comes, wake up, car’s packed, she’s pinging me saying I’m ready. Kids are getting their gear in, we get in the car and I sit there and we’re all packed in.

The car started, there’s no snowstorm, like all stars align and we start going out the driveway and I go, oh. I should check for my wallet. And you know, that moment where you’re like, and so I checked my passports are here. Great. Got my passport belt on. Got that. Everybody like all humans are in the car.

Check number of bags, check wallet. Okay, great. Everything’s here. We’re good to go. Drive, smooth drive, get to airport. No line, no cars, like no busyness. Bye. Thank you. Oh, I appreciate you so much. Oh, I hope you go back to bed. All of that. We go inside, check. Like there’s no lineup. The elite business class queue, whatever was right.

That’s what they accepted us to. I’m like, Oh my gosh, heavens open up. Here we go. Oh, our bags were under the weight. There was no issue. Like smooth sailing. Thank you. Thank you. Oh yes. Yes. I love paper boarding passes just in case. But it’s great. Oh, got it all. Thank you. Thank you. Let’s go through security.

No lineup at security. Oh, thank you. Thank you. This is great. Okay. Everybody put your stuff in. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Uh, teen one, teen two, me, partner. Okay. We all go through. Okay. Everybody gets your stuff. Everything. Like didn’t even beep. My bra always beeps. Didn’t even beep. Oh my gosh. The smoothest sailing going great.

And uh, we’re all putting our stuff back together. Okay. Oh, and you’ve got the briefcase. You got your backpack. You’ve got, okay. And great. Okay. All right. You two go on. I know you want booster juice. Go run on up ahead. You’ve got it. Go. Okay. And babe, okay. Do you have your phone, your wallet? You know, the usual check he’s like, yep.

Yep. Got, got… And you know that moment when the partner you’ve been with and you know them and they get that look on your face and your immediate reaction is, Oh, this is not a joke. You’re not joking. And my pit, my, the pit of my stomach needs to be like through the floor cause You fucked up. It was that moment.

And it was the moment when I realized I said the word wallet and let me step back. It wouldn’t be so bad, right? Like I have my, I have two credit cards on me all completely paid off just in case I’ve got my bank card on me. I’ve got my driver’s license on me. I’ve got everybody’s passport literally strapped to my body.

We’re good. Like if we just want to go, we can probably go. Let’s rewind six months where we continue to just rack our brains of whether or not we would go to Okinawa. And do we go to Okinawa or not? It’s going to be a two hour flight from Osaka and a car rental is required. Like it’s not taxi uber friendly for where we want it to go on the most Southern island in Japan.

So Airbnb, we purchase like, we’re like, okay, we’re going to do it. Here’s all our money for the Airbnb, here’s all the money for the rental car, buy the flights, like we’re thousands of dollars invested in going to Okinawa. And one of the few requirements, one of the very few requirements is that A, you have an international driver’s license, which no problem.

Have it, like have it with the passports. No problem. He went, he had gotten it through CAA, like it literally, it’s not a big deal, but you need to have that. And what do you need with an international driver’s license? Your driver’s license, where do you keep your driver’s license in your wallet? And so as my, my, it’s like my fingers were clawing the ceiling of the airport, I was just so tense and anxious and all the things in that moment when I realized, Oh my gosh, you don’t have your driver’s license, which is one of the very few requirements for when we operationalize the thousands of dollars that we’ve invested.

We’ve, we operationalize the Okinawa part of our trip where you just need to show that, that, and in Japan, you’re not showing a picture of your driver’s license. You’re not explaining on there, but here’s my wife. There’s none. You have it or you don’t have it. And folks, we didn’t have it and like, we’ve been together 25 years.

We’ve been through, you know, some rough stuff and, uh, experiences and so on. So we, we, we know how to handle this. And so right away we’re problem solving, right? Okay. So and, we problem solve differently. So another lesson learned. With the person you are like completely dependent on to action, what you’re about to action and you problem solve differently, um, first come from places of respect and second just know that about each other because he goes into, okay, no, I’ve got this.

Like I’m going to, I’m going to grab a taxi and then that taxi and I bet it like he’s, he’s on this world and it’s a fair, it’s a totally fair, it’s totally fair. And I’m thinking. You have got to be kidding me. We are not splitting up our family. Like that’s the last thing we need. We’re going for four weeks and my head goes to catastrophizing cause I’m still working on that everyone.

And, but my problem solving technique is I jump Um, right to call a friend is the first thing I do and he’s talking at me and I’m getting my phone out and I’m calling I’m like, please pick up, Andrea, please pick up, please. And it rings a couple of times and you and I both know folks. That this friend of mine who had just dropped us off at the airport, you know, she’s already home, you know She’s like I’ve done something really good in the world.

I’m getting in my pajamas I’m going back to you know, she’s already there and you know that she sees my phone ringing up and she’s thinking twice about answering the call. I mean, I probably would. But she picks up and she’s like, Oh boy.

Andrea, listen. We need you. And within like 5, 5, 7, 8 minutes, she’s on the phone with Scott in our house going, okay, where’s the wallet? And here’s the rub. He says, you know, Andrea, I’m not sure. Can you check? Okay. Check the kitchen table. Oh, not there. Hey. Okay. Now check that. And it’s 10 minutes of walking Andrea through the entire up the stairs down to the basement by the couch.

Okay. No, not there. Okay. Now. Okay. We’ll go back up to the front hall closet. Check the jacket that he had her at what time is it now? Like five 30 in the morning, whatever, just literally. getting her cardio in our house. And I’m starting to freak out. Cause I’m like, not only did you forget it, but now you don’t know where it is.

And then he’s like, maybe it’s in my suitcase. Maybe I put it in a pair of pants. And then I packed the pair of pants last minute and maybe there. And I’m like, okay, well we checked our bags. Like we’re not finding out if you have a driver’s license, which is. Which is what our entire thousands of dollars is relying on this driver’s license now, right?

Am I conflating things or something? I don’t know, but like, I’m, I’m nervous here. Uh, nervous isn’t the right word. If I got my emotion wheel out, it would be all sorts of like anxiety and stress and the bits. And, uh, so, um, I’m like, do we like, do we take that bet? Like, and he says, listen, Andrea, One last shot.

Can you go up to the bedroom and my laundry basket’s in the closet and you know what’s in his laundry. It’s like smelly workout shirts and gross socks and underwear. And he’s like, listen, can you dig through it and find this, you know, if there are these roots branded, uh, sweatpants in there, can you just check the pocket?

And it was, it felt like a couple of hours, but it was, must’ve been like a couple of breaths and sure enough a big smile comes on his face and we’ve got the wallet and she’s getting in the car. She’s rushing back and he puts all these bags, I’m carrying like now 159 pounds worth of bags and I double check you’ve got your boarding pass, double check you’ve got your passport.

He goes out to meet her and the entire time he’s out meeting her. I’m like a dog. I’m, you know, a dog that is standing at the door and they have a mixture of emotions of just incredible hope that you’re going to come back, complete anger that you’ve left and how could you and complete anxiety about what if you don’t come back?

Like all of that emotion. That was me. I was the dog sitting at the door and I, there was this window and I could, I’m just looking at the security line on the other side, just waiting to see him. Waiting. And I’m pacing. I’m, I’m like a fricking dog. I’m pacing back and forth, waiting, waiting, waiting, and lo and behold, there he is.

Comes through laughing with the security guy. Ha. Yeah. I forgot my wallet. I’m like, could you just get through security? Like, could we just. Come on now. Oh my God. And then we comes and he’s got the wallet and take a picture. And thank you, Andrea. And fast forward, what is it a week later or whatever it is.

And we sent her another picture and say, thanks for that 5 a. m.-er, and it’s, um, both of us at the car rental agency in Okinawa, standing at the counter as he’s literally handing over the driver’s license to go with the international driver license. And okay, so here’s the next rub. She looked at it.

The car rental agency employee. That person looked at it. I’m gonna say maybe three seconds. Maybe. Maybe. Come on. Could you have just helped me out here? Could you have get done just a little bit more looking? I don’t know. I needed something more. Oh my gosh. Anyways. You know, that was, you know, obviously it’s a, it’s a lasting memory, but the, the lesson here in your, in your leadership practice and in life is have good friends, folks, have good friends, invest in relationship.

You can do all these incremental, transactional blubbity blahs and get the project done of the hoo hoo wah wah. But it, it comes down to when. Not if, but when you hit that patch of whatever. Do you have the social capital, the heart connection, the camaraderie, and dare I say the friendship to help you get through, to help you problem solve, to help action that problem solve, to help root through somebody’s dirty laundry with them. Like, relationships are the lever to help with the problem solving, to help weather the storm, to help when the moment comes where your partner says to you, You fucked up. That it can be taken with love and you can get right into, okay, how are we going to deal with this versus getting into drama and whatever.

And he said, she said, finger pointing, you invest in relationship so that relationship is there for you and that you’re there for relationship, right? Stay in the practice, folks, and happy travels in whatever adventures you are choosing.

Thanks all. I’m Saralyn. You can find me at holonleadership.org. I walk alongside you as you practice your leadership.