32. Making Decisions In Wobbly Times

Hi everyone, I’m Saralyn Hodgkin. And this is the podcast to practice your leadership.

There’s a lot of transition right now, all. I don’t know if you feel it or are experiencing it, but I mean, meta in the world, yeah, sure, lots of transition. But I just mean, I see it in people’s lives, and the decisions that they’re trying to make with their families, in the opportunities, the challenges, the whatever is before us… lots of transition. That in this VUCA world, V U C A, what does it stand for again? Volatile, uncertain, complex, I think. and ambiguity. In this VUCA world that we navigate in personal ways, and in system level ways, it’s just a lot going on.

And so when there’s a lot going on, there’s a lot of decisions to make. And so how do you actually make decisions when everything’s so damn wobbly? Like, so wobbly. And there’s so many opportunities in front of you. Or possibilities or, or challenges. There’s, there are decisions in front of you that are not always right, left, yes, no. Easy peasy. And so what are elements that leads to the practice to see, to stay with, to tend to, or to ride the waves of the wobbliness and make decisions within those.

And so I was playing with this today and just thinking about this, and, you know, you want to slap a bandaid on stuff that’s hurt, and like, just move on, there’s a lot of that tendency that I’ve seen anyways. And I think the first place that I stay with is the wobbliness. Actually, I don’t slap a bandaid on it, or duct tape, or Windex, whatever you use to just fix it quick. There’s a there’s a practice here around staying with the wobbliness. And in staying with the wobbliness.

What does that mean? Let’s talk about that. But in staying with it, how can we construct some kind of web that can hold us as we’re trying to make decisions in times of transition and wobbliness. And maybe you’re in a lot of possibility right now or transition or just like a lot of liminal space just going on in your world. And to stay with the wobbliness and not converge too quickly on any one decision means that you’re standing in the face of fears, that you’re standing against the tendency for perfectionism, that you’re not letting FOMO guide the way, that you’re standing up and advocating for your boundaries.

And there’s something here, everybody where I feel that we’re not necessarily always good at that, that there’s this place of really just wanting to make a decision. But it’s got to be the perfect decision. And then how am I going to do that? And so on, right? You can hear the noise in my voice, versus saying, hold on a minute, let me just stand back and figure out what am I truly afraid of in this moment of making this decision that’s holding me back from making a decision that’s bringing me into that analysis paralysis? And then maybe there’s a question here of, oh, if I make this decision, what’s the worst thing that could happen? What’s the very worst thing? Maybe I should tease that out? So I can actually see it so that it’s not so scary.

And then maybe standing back and asking or not just what’s the worst thing that could happen? But what’s the worst thing that could happen if I choose not to make the decision? What does that look like? Decisions aren’t right or wrong. They’re just the decision that you make. You’re smart. You have a lot of intuitive knowing, experiential knowing, and analytical skills, you’re smart. It’s the right answer. It’s the right decision. There’s just going to be a whole heck of a lot of learning in there, right?

You’re going to review your decisions and go, oh, what was that decision? What actually came out of that? And what are the implications now that are rippling from that? What am I learning? And so now what am I going to do with that learning? You’re going to learn from it. And you’re going to figure out, hey, you know what, that decision that worked for me in that context, and this is why. And that decision that you’re making that maybe you know, from a FOMO perspective, I should be making that, hold on a minute. Actually, that doesn’t work for me in my context, and this is why.

Or maybe you’ve made a decision and you’re like, was that the right decision? Should I have? Shoulda, shoulda, shoulda. Well, what would it look like to actually say, hey, I’ve made that decision. And there are some things that I’m grieving. There are some things that I’m looking at and going, wow, I really didn’t know I was going to be giving that up. But I’ve made this decision, and I’m going to sit with what I’m losing, what I’m grieving, where I’ve been wounded. It’s going to be uncomfortable. That’s okay. Because I’m going to sit with the wobbly, I’m going to sit with the discomfort. And I’m going to actively process what I’m grieving, what I’m letting go. And hold on to what I want to keep from that. Maybe it’s learning, maybe it’s insight. And then I’m going to figure out what I need to let go from it all.

This is the process of believing in yourself in your context, and trusting the ways that you know, that you sort, that you analyze. Not judging your decision to move house change, job, cut the grass, I don’t know, whatever the decision is in front of you, right? It’s not about judging it. It’s about learning from it. It’s about sitting with the emotions that come. It’s about bringing out your emotion wheel and saying, how am I feeling about this right now?

I find that it can get pretty chaotic, when you start thinking about all that goes into making a decision. And maybe you have five different threads in front of you. And you sit down with a piece of paper and you actually draw out all the threads, all the possibilities that make up this decision that you need to make. And how do you get some kind of order in the, in the chaos, right? Well, drawing out the decisions, sometimes it’s just weighing them. But if they’re complex, right, it’s like, oh, I can’t always see. I can’t always see the end line, the next thing, the right answer.

So how do I find some order in the chaos? Well, I actually state I’m not converging on any decision. Right now I’m collecting data, I’m just trying to sit in some different perspectives to see differently, that’s where I’m at, I’m just going to norm out that that’s where I’m at. And then I’m going to remember my values, maybe put bookends in like, I’m going to make the next part of a decision by this date. For example, you’re going to put bookends in whatever that looks like.

I also think that creating a stance of how you want to be for yourself is helpful. Do you want to be tender? Do you want to be learningful? Do you want to stand in your 50 year old self or 80 year old self? Do you want to hold lightness? What is the stance that you want to hold while you’re in this time of transition and possibility? And how many times do you need to bring out that emotion wheel? And you acknowledge that the priorities for you aren’t the same priorities for others. And with that the decisions that you’re trying to line up with your life purpose might be different than it is for others. It might not even align with what is conventionally normed.

For me, I did my degree, my undergrad degree, and my mom was really, of course proud that I got this piece of paper and I saw it as a piece of paper. But man, I looked at eco-feminism, and in sociology, and organizational behaviour, and commerce, something I’d never explored before, and environmentalism, and protesting, and geography, and I webbed all that together and I authored my path from what lights me up. My mom was proud for the piece of paper, but I made those decisions. So all, self author your path from a place of discomfort from the wobbliness of trying to figure it out, not too quickly, but stay in a practice of making decisions in a way that works for you.

Thanks all, I’m Saralyn you can find me at holonleadership.org. I walk alongside you as you practice your leadership.